7  keys to awakened intimacy with self and other.

2 FUNDAMENTAL relating defences that can destroy intimacy -and the way through them

3 secret arts of touch and spiralling pleasure

to ask for what you want and say no to what you don’t want

to communicate clearly and vulnerably about your inner life How to communicate vulnerably without making another responsible for your doubts, opinions, fears, commitment phobia, self-judgements

to tenderly love and accept yourself as without this you cannot learn to love others

to value aliveness in all its colours in intimate relationship

to make and keep and renegotiate clear agreements that nourish all involved

to find the love even in a challenging situation.

to love all that others are, and celebrate life’s simple miraculousness

how to be human.

Very limited places remain – Book your place by visiting http://www.secretgarden.eu.com/summeroflove.html now!

Annabel and Dom are a young couple who became pregnant without consciously intending to.  They were delighted, but also fearful.  Would parenthood make too many strains on their so far lighthearted and beautiful relationship?  And financially, Annabel was the sole earner, as Dom was studying.  How would they cope when Annabel became a mum?  Dom reacted by becoming more adolescent, going out with his mates and leaving Annabel home alone, and flirting.  She, understandably, became distressed, hurt, angry and sometimes depressed.

As they did not know what to do, they made love and opened to guidance from Great Spirit / the Universe.  In the afterglow, something had changed for Dom, and he had tears in his eyes.  He admitted that he was worried that he might be inadequate as a dad and a provider, but that he really wanted to try.  They decided to move from London to Scotland to be close to his parents, who were able to help them with childcare.  Their rent reduced by two thirds, and Dom found a job that he loved, and still gave him two afternoons a week, plus weekends to be with their baby son.

Sex Magic Ritual

First, take some time, either sitting in silence, or in nature, to open to your true, deep wishes and intent for the New Year.

Love Partners – Share your new year wishes.   Encapsulate them into a simple picture, or ‘sigil’.  This can be a shared sigil, or two separate ones.  If you have two sigils, then you will share two sex magic rituals, on two separate occasions, focusing on one sigil for each ceremony.

Individuals – Create a sigil from your deep intent.

Prepare a sacred space for your ritual, clearing clutter, washing, preparing the room beautifully with candles, from a place of love.  Imagine as you do this releasing all blocks to experiencing fulfillment.

Make love (couples) or self-pleasure (individuals), in a rich, slow and conscious way, inviting in your dream.  Be open to the wisdom of Great Spirit, who may have different or greater plans for you than those in your mind.  And at the same time, feel how it will be to realize your intent.  Have your sigil visible throughout

As you become aroused, imagine your sigil in your sex centre and in your heart.  At the point of orgasm, imagine your orgasmic energy moving from your base, through and up your body, out of your crown and into the hands of the Universe.

Then let it all go.  Open to all possibilities…

Leora Lightwoman runs Diamond Light Tantra workshops in London and Devon.

Find out more about Diamond Light Tantra workshops in London and the UK

Email Leora Lightwoman or Diamond Light Tantra, or visit www.diamondlighttantra.com. You can also call 0845 388 2231 for more details or to book onto the workshops.

Leora Lightwoman MA (Oxon) has facilitated Tantra workshops for couples and individuals, and offered private sessions, since 1996, having originally trained with Margot Anand, and other Tantra teachers internationally.  She has a degree in psychology, and training in couples counselling, yoga, bodywork and voice dialogue.  She is author of the book ‘Tantra, the Path to Blissful Sex’ (Piatkus, 2004)

Contrary to popular belief, passion can grow with the age of a relationship.  One aspect of passion is polarity – passion is a matter of the heart and of sexual energy, and both must flow within each, and between lovers for passion to flourish.    A woman in touch with her feminine flow is able to express her love and devotion, and to receive her partner’s sexual impulses.  A man in his masculine flow is in touch with his love for his woman, can receive her love, and express his desire with his body, heart and mind.

Passion is not just about sex, it is also a way of life.  Living passionately means being willing to release control, and to feel.  To feel your love, your anger, grief and joy.  When you put the lid on one feeling, you subdue the rest as well.

“When you can be passionate in your grief” says Margot Anand, one of my teachers, “you can be passionate in sex and in love”.

Below is the exercise that I gave Linda and Chris.  Letting go of their ‘civilised’ personalities allowed them, over time, and with guidance, to reconnect with their desires, feelings, express and release hidden conflicts, open their hearts and awaken passion:

Tantric Tip:  Awakening Passion

Consider some of the ways in which you may be dampening down your passion.  Do you try not to feel or express anger?  Are you fearful of wearing your heart on your sleeve, in case you get hurt?  Do you hold yourself back, in case you’re ‘too much’?  Would you be willing to become more spontaneous?

Step 1:  With a partner, take 5 minutes each to share your responses to the questions above.  Whilst one partner speaks, the other simply listens.  Then take a further 3 minutes each to again answer these questions.  You will go deeper this time.  Take a further 3 minutes each to share how you might allow more range in your feelings and expression in daily life.

Step 2:  In a carpeted room, or on a soft, low bed, kneel on all fours and place your right shoulder in contact with your partner’s right shoulder.  Close your eyes, and ask yourself which animal is the bearer of your passion at this moment.  Imagine that you have become this animal, as you press your shoulders together, and begin to make animal noises.  Allow the inner child in you to play with this imaginative game.

Step 3:  Allow yourself to gently push and receive, to explore and play with contact from other parts of your bodies as well – perhaps head to torso, side to side, bottom to bottom etc – all in the spirit of play.

Step 4:  Men, say “I want you!” as you continue this game.  Women say “I am yours”.  Say it repeatedly, even if you don’t feel it or mean it.  Play with it, and the different nuances.

Then either lie together and share your experiences, or allow this to develop into further sensual / sexual contact.

Leora Lightwoman runs Diamond Light Tantra workshops in London and Devon.

Find out more about Diamond Light Tantra workshops in London and the UK

If you wish to sample the work, there are Introductory Evenings running on January 18th 2012, or A Taste of Bliss, 1-day workshop on January 21^st 2012.

Email Leora Lightwoman or Diamond Light Tantra, or visit www.diamondlighttantra.com. You can call 0845 388 2231 for more details or to book onto the workshops.

Leora Lightwoman MA (Oxon) has facilitated Tantra workshops for couples and individuals, and offered private sessions, since 1996, having originally trained with Margot Anand, and other Tantra teachers internationally.  She has a degree in psychology, and training in couples counselling, yoga, bodywork and voice dialogue.  She is author of the book ‘Tantra, the Path to Blissful Sex’ (Piatkus, 2004).

Tantric massage is a very important aspect in the tantric tradition. Genuine knowledge about this ancient tradition is very rare today. There are many misunderstandings about Tantra, the most common one being that it is just a set of erotic exercises which aims to bring a more varied set of pleasures and make the sexual intercourse last longer.

One of the reasons why Tantra is known mainly as a tool for improving the erotic life is that we are having big difficulties in accepting and including sexuality. Therefore we fall out of one extreme into another: from frigidity to perversity. Tantra discovers the middle way – both in sexuality and in life itself.

Tantra is a genuine and exceptional path, which puts sexuality in its right place, recreating the missing spiritual dimension of the sexual experience. This practice expands the human consciousness to the greatest extent and considerably enriches the knowledge of Man and the Universe. At the same time, Tantra opens the road toward infinite horizons, where many extraordinary discoveries are awaiting the tireless practitioner.

In Tantra you go through life by saying “yes”.

The role of tantric touch in awakening the Heart

The ancient Oriental wisdom teaches us about the energies of life, love and sexuality and about how we can unite body, mind and soul in order to turn our lives into a sacred practice. Tantric massage is a way of making us live in the present moment, in a state of relaxation and awareness.

Through an intensive awakening of the sexual pleasure and sensitivity, we can expand and refine our state of consciousness, using and controlling the sexual energy in and up through the body. This energy then becomes available on other levels of our being, being transformed into, for instance, love or mental power. Being able to use this huge potential, in areas other than just sexuality, will greatly deepen the relationship with the beloved.

Tantric massage is a wonderful way to awaken and experience the erotic energy in a relaxed state of awareness and love. It opens up a new world of intimate togetherness where partners experience the magic of touch, without necessarily reaching lovemaking. The human touch reveals itself as the silent gate to our heart.

The human body has a tremendous capacity to experience pleasure through its 5 senses: sight, sound, smell, taste and above all the touch. Touch is the primary sense we develop. When touch is complemented by love, people establish their self-esteem and appreciation of their own bodies. These attitudes, developed early in our lives, play a large part in creating fulfilling love relationships. Also, later in our lives, we can discover the profound effects that the loving touch continues to have on all levels of our being.

In tantric tradition the heart chakra is connected to the sense of touch. This means that we can awaken our hearts simply by touching and being touched. Some of the qualities of an awakened human, like unconditional love, compassion and empathy will almost automatically become more present in our beings through practicing tantric massage.

Tantric massage is lovemaking of the Souls

We are, of course, not talking about a superficial back rub, but the full experience where the entire body is included in the massage and covered with loving touches full of awareness.

Including the entire body in the experience will not only create a very healing experience for both body and soul, but also awaken and open the heart chakra completely in a very conscious way. 
Tantric massage can be called “Lovemaking at the level of the Soul”. Touch is said to be food for our Souls, and the tactile experience is essential for the development of a happy and fulfilled human being.

The tantric massage is a deeply relaxing, rejuvenating and healing experience that awakens sensitivity and energy, increases the capacity to experience pleasure and creates a deep intimacy and closeness between the lovers – will reflect in all aspects of their relationship. Women are generally more in “touch” with their overall sensuality than men and they love to be shown through touch that they are appreciated in ways other than just their sensuality. Men tend to be more sexually focused in a physical relationship, but once they discover the delights of full body sensuality, they are converted. Tantric massage is something worth studying but most of all practicing.

Next time we will share with you some techniques and advices to both men and women who would like to learn tantric massage and discover the beauty and the power of tantric touch.

The Goddess of Ecstatic Joy Temple

You often hear that the wisdom of the heart is far greater than the wisdom of the mind. But it can sometimes feel more difficult to tune into. The heart does not communicate in the same way that the head does. We have spent so long in our lives being attuned to listening to our heads that when we try to listen to the deep wisdom of the heart, it can feel like it is someone talking with a strange accent. We get the feeling of what they are saying, but we struggle to hear the actual words. But what I do know is that humanity is slowly and slowly listening more to the heart. As we shift our focus more into the heart vibrations they will become stronger and stronger. As we seek to uncover more of living in our truth the old ways that we used to listen, the old truths will not be relevant any longer. It will be as if we need to uncover new truths, new directions, new ways of being, of relating, of existing. This is necessary for as we take another quantum leap closer to the light vibration, we have to leave behind what we have known before. The power houses that kept us safe will no longer have the same meaning, what we relied on yesterday will not be relevant for today. For in this new truth there is only this moment, there is only the now.

In the past we were told that our futures were already written, that we have chosen our pathway. We were told that when we came to this plane of consciousness that our lives, our paths, our lessons were all mapped out. As this new age approaches, as this new way of being enters into our consciousness more and more, we have to leave behind everything that we have known before.

Why? Freedom. Freedom of our souls. Freedom of our ourselves, freedom that smells so rich, tastes so good, that it feels like our soul has made a closer step forward to being home. It has made another step closer to its true potential and the unfolding of the mystery of who we are and what is our purpose in this realm. This whole story has not yet unfolded. We do not have all the answers. For if we knew the end goal we would not be able to do the ”letting go” that is so vital for this stage in our evolution. For the last 100 years we have been breaking down. We have been breaking down values that were created in our Victorian era. We have been breaking judgments, prejudices and shame. As humanity we have moved closer and closer to doing the right thing, governed by our hearts, not by our heads.

We no longer need the guru’s, the heads of state, the governments to show us what is right and wrong. For what is right and wrong is inside us. It is inside our very DNA, our make up. When we stop, listen to the wisdom of our hearts and that we are living in the truth can we then live in the light. The light of existence that is singing the most beautiful of songs. The most richest song of our existence that will be poetry and be told for many centuries to come. Parents will tell their children of this age. The day humanity moved into their heart centres and lived in their truth. The truth is that we are love, we are in love, we are rich, creative, beautiful children of this most delicious beautiful blue planet. We are the centre of love. For in life what can be more important than love?

In Bruce’s talk, he offered a possibility that Freedom is more important than Love. That as humans we value our freedom more highly than we value Love (please accept any apologies, but this was my interpretation). But I meditated on this for a week after listening to Bruce, and in my truth, Freedom is Love. Freedom is not valued more highly than Love because it is Love. Love is Freedom. The two are 1 and the same thing. They are not separate. If we are in our truth of love than we are Free.

Freedom for me is one of the qualities of Love. The same as selflessness is also a quality of the heart. But I believe that as humanity we are still understanding the qualities and wisdom of the heart. The mystery of the heart is still unfolding, it is still growing, it has not yet entered our consciousness. Isn’t that just great? There is something that we still don’t yet know? And it is something that won’t be able to be documented on Wikipedia. Apple or Microsoft will not be able to bottle it or to sell it. There won’t be business strategies written about this. But it will be the most powerful dawning of consciousness this planet has ever known. It will break all of the rules that we have learnt to obey, it will challenge all of the logic that we have spent centuries creating, because it has no logic. Look at recent micro chip technology. They are creating chips now that no longer have linear processes, but hundreds of thousands of possibilities.

Yet what happens won’t be on the news, it won’t be in the strategies of organisations, it will be in the hearts of us humans. I believe that we are already starting to see this. Across the middle east structures are breaking down, even in good ole solid blighty, people are feeling something. No longer do they want repression, no longer do they seek to get their instructions from others. The new truth is coming from within. For some this can be a very difficult transition because I wonder if it requires us to keep letting go of everything that we have known. At a weird level even in my home I seem to have done more clearing out in the last 3 weeks than I have ever done before. Letting go of things that do not serve me. In this new era I will not need them. What I need is within me, is transmitted to me, is available to me. It is no longer in the possessions. The truth is that the core of love is our very core and living in tune with that is our new future. How exciting will it be as this mystery unfolds, as the mystery gets deeper and deeper.

However this is going to be a massive shift. For how many of us live our lives bound by the rules and regulations. We live parts of our lives on the “shoulds” or “ought to’s”. Or we love in a context of fear, where we feel fear and therefore that keeps us containered. Fear of change, fear of loosing, fear of not succeeding, fear of the fear of the fear. This fear has kept us trapped for over 2,000 years. Sorry to say this but the Catholic Church has done an excellent job in contributing to this fear. Fear and retribution that if we dare to live as our true nature intended they we are doomed to centuries of death and damnation. Even worse than that, if we don’t conform, we will spend eternity in hell!

Oh My God! Is that what  Jesus really intended? I think he would be quite horrified if he knew what had done in his name for the last 2,000 years. But even this breaks down now.

Even in gay world, we have been told for hundreds of years that our sex is wrong, that we are less equal than other people just for the way that we were borne? We have called it an illness, we have called it deviant behaviour, but equivocal truth is that I am what I am. Humanity has woken up to this in the last 20 years and this message gets stronger and stronger. We started with jews, the blacks, the gays, the gypsies. Actually anything that was other than what we were we decided that they were less than perfect, they were less than god. If we believe the concept that we are all god, we decided that part of ourselves were not god. But in this new era, in this new age, we know that we are all accepted, all part of god, all part the divine truth that us humanity. And guess what, we only known half of the story so far. It is still being created, we are still creating it?

Have we not had enough of fear? Enough of living with shame? Enough of living with guilt? Enough of living with judgements about ourselves and others? Where have they got us? They have just sought to make us more fearful, more shameful, more guilty, more in the shadow.

This is why I love Tantra. Because it exposes all of these illusions. It helps us back to the true nature of ourselves. To our true nature of who we really are. It is reputed to be the fastest pathway to enlightenment and I kinda have to agree. Tantra strips us, lays us bare to the reflection of our true nature, to the truth of who we really are. Love!

As part of this journey into love, I believe that Freedom is one of the components. And I am talking about living your freedom. It is not something that you do once, I thought it was, but it is something that you keep doing and keep doing until you are freedom. Until others reflect back to you that amazing part of you that is freedom. It is about releasing judgements, self inflicted rules, releasing what you thought you knew about yourself and discovering the beauty of yourself. Discovering all the new possibilities that you can be. Asking yourself, if I were love, how do I represent that in the expression of my life? How am I an example of love?

In my courses, I ask people that if aliens were to land in the car park, and they wanted to know what love was, that they would look at you, look at your life and say yes, that is what love is.

Love is not control. Love is not judgement about self or others. Love is not something that only very religious or political people can talk about. Love is not…. Love is not… Love is not…

You are Love. You are an expression of love. The difficulties that you struggle with are an expression of the shadow side of love. But your soul yearns to be part of love. It yearns to be loved, it yearns to be love…

Love Jason xxx

Tantra is a path for our time. One that coincidentally addresses root causes of over consumption driving consumer society. As we seek to evolve new ways of being together, what part does Tantra have to play in developing sustainable community paradigms?

Sex sells, there is no doubt about this. From men’s shavers to women’s handbags, the displacement of sex into fetishized objects is ubiquitous in consumer society. “Buy me, I am sexy. Vicariously through me, you too will experience this sexiness” is a common message in television and display advertising. And yet I wonder whether collectively, do we really know our sex intimately? For sex remains in another sense a taboo topic, about which many are unable to converse either openly or truthfully.

Consumer society is largely founded upon the values and concerns of the ego. From cars to relationships and homes, the ego constructs its sense of self via identification with extraneous things. The ego exists through possession. Spiritual practice on the other hand draws our attention to inner contemplation, to exposing the false self running the show. Residing in no mind, sinking into the heart of the Self, surrendering to the will of God: these and similar intentions are common to most spiritual practice.

Through communities of practice, we open the way to new economies, which are no longer egocentric.

Why is it that sex sells? It is a peculiar facet of the ego that it works most vigorously to hide from itself and others, that about which it feels most insecure. One reason sex sells so very well, is because it is here we have become collectively most under educated. As a result of prohibitive taboos, we often hope our children will find their way to intimately relating adulthood, via a process of trial and error. That sex sells is further fueled by the fact it is such a powerful motivating force. If the natural expressions of sex, love and intimacy feel frustrated – this can lead to a persistency of desire quite unlike anything else.

We will never drop into a deeper and more harmonious relationship with the natural world, whilst inwardly ignoring or warring with our own natural expression. We need collectively as a society, to come into alignment with the nature of our sex.

To come into alignment with the “Nature of our sex” has to be properly understood.

There is much we imagine to be natural in sex that is nostalgia, repressive idealism, naiveté or a manufactured imitation of naturalness. Dictates such as “wholesome sex in marriage only”, “always between a man and a woman” or “for procreation only” – these statements say nothing of what is natural to sex. An experience of our naturalness in sex occurs when we are deeply centred, living conscious and unconditioned choices, following (or simply acknowledging) our energy wherever it leads. Where the ego constructs from the outside in, the unconditioned self arises: the education needed is therefore also often an unlearning.

Neo-tantra specifically seeks out for unlearning root causes blocking naturalness in our whole being, with a focus on intimacy and sex.

The irony is not lost on me, that in a market where sex sells, “Tantra” sells well also. And some of what presents itself as Tantra in the market place is a euphemism for sexual services. This reflects a collective tendency to separate the ‘sacred’ from ‘sex’, leaving it open to objectification as a commercial transaction.

What follows is some distinguishing facets of tantra (as I experience it), to help identify genuine teachings and practitioners, including the way in which tantra reunites ‘sacred’ and sex’…

And coincidently how tantra may help unleash an eco-sexual revolution!

Energy and Consciousness
Tantra can be understood as teaching us the dance between energy and consciousness, as pointed to by archetypal lovers Shakti (energy) and Shiva (consciousness). Through this dance we enter into union with the whole.

Energy is all that is created and exists in the universe. Often understood as a mysterious force, energy is in fact no different to matter except by degree of density, or vibrational frequency. Consciousness is not simply whether we are literally asleep or awake, though many people are in fact sleeping when they are awake! Consciousness just is, and arises as a result of moment-by-moment awareness. It is source expressed, just as individual waves arise from the ocean.

Awakening consciousness is the intention of most meditation and spiritual practice. Energy however is more often seen as something dangerous to be restrained except in situations prescribed as ‘healthy’. Or otherwise to be strictly channelled through rigorous discipline, as in forms of yoga evolved to harness the sexual energy of young warriors! Paths that focus exclusively on the cultivation of stillness through consciousness tend to lead us to the masculine face of God.

Tantra practices open the way to an embracing and surrender through energy. Tantra encourages us to free up, expand and consciously follow our energy, as we manifest our unique dance with the universe. Tantra brings all that is created – in the form of energy and as experienced through the senses – to the heart of our spiritual practice. Paths that pulsate with life, movement and energy tend to lead us to the Goddess, to the feminine face of our divinity.

In coming home to the Goddess, we also come home to the sacred nature of all that is created and exists, as experienced through our senses.

Masculine and feminine
Tantra is by no means a unified church and has many flavours. For some Shiva and Shakti seem to remain firmly rooted in the physical masculine or feminine form of the practitioner: the man embodies Shiva, the woman embodies Shakti. Tantra teachers with a shamanic background will more likely not only embrace that we are all both masculine and feminine, but go further and shape shift to embody their opposite.

I was introduced to this by witnessing two of my teachers – John Hawken and Baba Dez – shape shift into the feminine, powerfully reflecting back my own Goddess nature. These teachings were a gift, assisting me to release even deeper levels of unconscious ego identification. For what more powerful identification is there, than with our own gender? When this identification is breached, through stepping into our gender opposite, our energy may open to a multitude of expressions formerly closed to us, because we were conditioned by society not to identify with them.

In sessions when teaching men, I sometimes embody masculine warrior energy. Clients come along often to meet the Goddess. But to really meet her, they may need first to learn how to step fully into their own conscious masculine. I remember my teacher Baba Dez saying to me that Dakini* practitioners are often embodying and mirroring back to men the masculine. It took me some time to first understand this, to see it happening in my sessions, and then consciously embrace it as a process. Standing shoulder-to-shoulder with me – as “brothers in arms” (using a dynamic mediation process for this purpose) – can awaken a warrior’s courage.

Returning to our eco-sexual revolution, it is my understanding that a reclaiming the conscious masculine warrior – and Goddess warrior archetypes too – is one facet of the shift to new paradigms occurring now in our world. As every conscious warrior knows, this is not about seeking victory through fight. It is about finding a celebratory clarity, momentum and energy in our daily tasks. It is about the warrior’s ability to instinctively act in organic unity with others, at times when the going may be tough.

And at the core of every warrior is humility… the certainty that with every step, we are in service.

*Female tantra practitioners often adopt the role of “Dakini” in their teaching.

Sex, belly, senses and heart truths
Mostly we are conditioned in the west to make decisions with our minds. Especially anything relating to practical business affairs. Tantra teaches us a subtlety of awareness permeating our whole being – including (but not limited to) our senses, heart, belly, and sex.

Mind centred living often represses or sublimates different choices we would make if living from another centre. These unheard expressions will usually surface in underhand ways such as passive aggression; cheating and lying in relationship; depression; illness or even explosive rage leading to murder or suicide. In surrendering to a consciousness that radiates through every pore of our being, Tantra helps us let go of mind identification, and our deciding can emerge from an organically unified whole.

I remember one particularly vivid tantra practice in which I transformed into a feminine warrior archetype of Jaguar. I tasted how magical it is to experience simultaneously through every sense and sinew: to feel ones absolute synchronicity with the whole. This occurred at the close of a meditation in which I had vividly awakened all senses through a lengthy pleasuring ritual with a partner.

I leave it to the imagination of the reader, to picture a community of individuals, living this consciously free and expansive through their whole being. If the suggestion arouses resistance – judgements such as “this is not a practicable foundation for civilization” – further investigation of the fear fuelling the resistance may be fruitful!

Immanence, transcendence and totality
I don’t pretend to understand in depth or know well, the centuries of philosophical discussion on immanence, and transcendence. What I do experience in tantra practice though, is phenomena that offer a sense of recognition – an “I have touched this” – when reading what others have written on these topics. On the other hand one might read hundreds of texts for a whole lifetime, and never come to know in any way experientially what they speak of.

Earlier I emphasised how tantra cultivates both energy, and consciousness in the practitioner. I have wondered from my own practice, whether tantra also brings us to an experience of both immanence and transcendence. Whether the embrace of energy and consciousness, opens us to an experience of things that have the appearance of being contrary doctrine to the philosophical mind (though I understand there are also theologians who state transcendence and immanence are not at all mutually exclusive).

There are many facets to the experiencing of tantra, one of which is the conscious cultivation of pleasure, senses and sex. Through sacred union, we simultaneously experience the within and beyondness of God. Immanence comes from the Latin “in manere – to remain in”. When deeply awakening the senses, consciousness – or God – pulsates within every cell of our body! And yet at the same time we often expand beyond what we experience as our usual frame, beyond a materially bound finiteness. As the “I end here, and over there, you begin” dissolves – we may even be totally overwhelmed by an expansiveness of being.

Tantra is not a series of concepts, thoughts or ideas – but something deeply lived and experienced. And so tantra will tend to transform the way that we express ourselves in life. Tantra radiates through our very being. Returning to our consumer society, paradoxically by diving deeply into our pleasure, superfluous and insatiable desires fueling over consumption tend to fall away.

Tantra dances deeply with our desires. Consciously following energy with libratory intent, conditioned identifications fall away, releasing us each moment into the naturalness of the unconditioned Self.

Cathryn @ tantra for tigers

For example: having attended a dance performance we really enjoyed, we may feel uplifted and inspired, reflecting upon memories of this single event for some time. But if we were to take up dance as a practice we would expect to attend regular classes cumulatively layering experience. Eventually we find our movement, posture, expression and very being has radically changed. It is the same if we wish to reform ourselves tantrically!

So here is the crunch, many leisure activities purchased are based on relatively passive consumption. Tantra is often relegated to “leisure time” so we may subtly carry expectations of our purchase ‘delivering for us’. Living tantra calls for active commitment extending throughout the whole of life. Many people who come to see me for sessions would really like to approach tantra in this way, but are unsure how to do so. They have been to a handful of different workshops and practitioners, read a few books, but still are no clearer how to translate this into lasting practice.

Some teachers offer precise homework instructions. More often students visit many different tantra resources weaving together a practice from this. A “pick and mix” approach is sometimes derided as the antithesis of tantra as a science, requiring surrender to a single guru and prescribed practices of an authentic lineage. Experience has taught me the spiritual supermarket approach is not merely the expression of an ego bound western pathology (though it can be!). All paths are emergent within a particular context of collective consciousness evolution. It is the enlightenment uncovered that is eternal, not the paths that lead there. Some elements seen as indispensable to tantra are more culturally conditioned than inherent to – or the essence of – tantra.

As a visual arts practitioner, I have found fruitful parallels through an in-depth experiential understanding of creativity and my tantra and creative practices now weave seamlessly together. In another era artists would surrender individual expression to lengthy imitation in the studio of a master, reminiscent of the Guru disciple relationship. Things such as composition might be governed by mathematical formulae. Nowadays artists commonly will develop a broad understanding extending from science through to the arts – e.g. appreciation of materials, chemistry, techniques, history, philosophy etc.

But only Picasso can paint a Picasso! Ultimately all external reference points and learning must be surrendered to something else. Art that is enduring in its appeal is so because it has touched inwardly, through individual effort and inspiration, to the soul of the world. The finite frame of mortality is transcended inwardly to touch that which is infinite and eternal, we return to express this through our being. This is the essence of enlightenment: and the way in which art transcends an individual maker. Tantra as I experience it is a process of individuation leading to enlightenment, via practical sexual alchemy.

It is a great challenge to embark on a path of awakening in this way. No definitively prescribed daily activity, no Guru to defer all our questions to, no bells telling us what time to arise. The contemporary seeker has to be disciplined enough to undertake daily practice alone. To look within for answers simultaneous to having the humility to receive mirrors from teachers. ‘Teachers’ are your own experience, as well as a one to one practitioner or workshop leader. Additionally the tantric seeker has to grapple with a multiplicity of practices from kundilini shaking through to pelvic bouncing!

It is precisely these challenges that make tantra a uniquely rich and rewarding path. To help begin integrate experiences of tantra workshops and sessions, here is a ‘how to’ guide for embarking on the path of living tantra.

• Underlying the surface complexity of tantra is an essential simplicity, the dance of energy and consciousness. This is the true essence of tantra.

• The cultivation of energy (shakti) is what distinguishes tantra from other paths focusing more exclusively on consciousness (shiva). Evolving a deep experiential knowing of this dance will inform a balanced practice.

• Assume workshop material is intended to be repeated at home! Take a notebook, make notes about the practices jointly with others to aid a complete remembering.

• Practice is aided by the presence of Sangha, or community. Seek out existing peer groups or online tantra meetup groups. Become more deliberate about staying in touch with fellow workshop participants, create a practice peer group with friends.

• Workshop participants are carried by group energy. When you try practices at home the experience may at first feel ‘flat’. Take this as being normal, in time it will pass.

• Repetition is essential, on the 3^rd or 4^th attempt you may ‘get it’ where at first you didn’t. You will drop into ever subtler layers of experience that at first you missed.

• All tantra practice begins with YOU! Single people visiting me for sessions often say “I’ll start when I have a partner”. Individuals in a couple say, “I’d do more tantra but my partner doesn’t want to.” It is all a smoke screen; tantra begins with YOU!

• Make a foundation of solo practices, even in a couple. To begin pick any tantra practice from a book or workshop, set a number of times to do it in the following week or month. Observe and journal how your experience changes. Repeat, building up your lexicon of practice.

• I like to think of individual exercises as “tubes of colour” we paint with. And the way we string these together as the composition of the painting. Individual exercises weave together into a composition, this is how we build energy in our practice.

• For couples practice, set a regular time such as a weekly 2-hour slot. For the first session it may be that you don’t do any tantra! Expect to look at books or notes to plan the next few sessions.

• Whatever you do in your 2-hours you can spend 10 minutes sitting, breathing, eyegazing, stroking or playing some music and dancing! Simple things often touch us most deeply.

• Living tantra spills out to eating, queuing, sitting on a train. The Book of Secrets by Osho is a fantastic resource for a lifetime of living tantra practice.

• Infuse your practice with self-love, noticing “I did this…” or “I didn’t do this practice I set myself…” with equanimity. Beating yourself up for “getting it wrong” only divides you against yourself: all things eventually flourish in a loving environment!

• As confidence grows experiment and become more creative. Weave together things from different teachers, create new meditations, introduce sensual delights and toys… use your imagination!

• Many things support a tantra practice. 5 rhythms cultivates energy and freedom of expression. Tango or salsa develop subtlety of interaction. Biodanza or contact improvisation help drop inhibitions. Conscious swinging or BDSM can be very left hand path taboo breaking. Any kind of meditation cultivates witnessing presence. Yoga is good all round. Personally I love Bikram yoga, it has evolved my capacity to find stillness in the eye of an orgasmic storm!

• As you continue this process, interspersed with reflection from teachers and peers, your self-awareness will naturally deepen and confidence in tantra grow.

And one day you will find you are experientially living tantra, with your whole being!

Namaste,

Cathryn x

Parallels in Censorship

Tantra is not the yoga of sex. Tantra is the yoga of everything.

On some yogic and spiritual paths, the attitude to life is via negativa, and the world is seen as a cause for suffering, as giving us a sense of false identity when we are attached to it. So the yogi’s task becomes to disengage, to free ourselves from suffering or from the attachment, to become a witness to it all.

But that is not the attitude of Tantra. In Tantra we actually want to get engaged, tangled up in the world with our spirit still shining.

The attitude of Tantra is that even our suffering, even our attachment is our yoga, our spirituality. In Tantra all problems are potential friends, allies, a support system for deeper understanding, deeper love.

The key to being a Tantric yogi or yogini is to embrace duality and then go deep into and then beyond it. Why? Because duality is just another expression of nonduality. In other words, there is, according to Tantra, Spirit, God, Awareness, Consciousness in everything. Even in suffering. Even in pleasure.

This knowledge, this wisdom is called Madhuvidya, or honey knowledge, the idea that the bees of Sprit can turn everything we do and feel, even failure, into nectar.

Here are 7 unique ways of Tantric spirituality:

1. Tantra embraces the idea that attraction is the law of the universe.

And then, like a tai chi master, Tantra moves with the energy of attraction toward freedom from attachment, from suffering.

We are attracted to inspiring art, romantic sex, beautiful music and poetry; we are attracted to the Divine.

When we are attracted to the Divine, it is called prema, or spiritual love. When we are attracted to money, land, fame, sex, it is called kama, or desire. In Tantra, the yogi is advised to turn kama into prema—to see everything as sacred, as Divine.

“For those pure in mind, everything is pure.”

–Georg Feuerstein, from Tantra: The Path of Ecstasy

Bees are attracted to pollen, some lilies have a romantic relationship with the moon, and mystical poets, such as Rumi and Mirabai, are insanely attracted to the Divine.

In Bhakti Yoga, the yoga of Divine Love, we express our spirituality through longing and love for God. Bhakti Yogis see emotions—even anger, even loneliness—as great vehicles to enhance spiritual devotion. Through spiritual longing, we open our hearts for greater vulnerability and union, greater ecstatic bliss and communion with the Divine. That is, if we really and truly long for Sacred communion.

“In truth there is neither purity nor impurity. Therefore he who is free from such notions is happy.”

–Vijana Bairava Tantra

Tantra is often called the path of ecstasy. Like all spiritual paths, Tantra is not a dogma, not religion, not a belief system—even though it is classified as a religion by many scholars and believers. Even though I and many other writers sometimes refer to Tantra as either Hindu Tantra or Buddhist Tantra, this path is, in its inner essence, a spiritual practice, a way of life and a philosophy that expresses the perennial essence of our human quest for spiritual realization. It is, like your posture yoga practice, just what it is in the moment.

2. Tantra sees everything as sacred.

Everything is God or Goddess. The consciousness within everything, the latent intelligence in the universe is God, or Shiva. The latent energy, the creative force of the universe is Goddess, or Shakti. Together in cosmic union, these alchemical lovers unite as Brahman, the ultimate Consciousness beyond name, form, attachment.

“Jagadananda, or world bliss, is the understanding that the realization of the Self includes everything, within and without.”

–Abhinava Gutpta, from the Tantra Loka

So, in Tantra, everything is Brahma. Everything is sacred. Everything we experience is an opportunity to practice yoga; to be a yogi or a yogini.

Tantra represents our universal quest for truth within and beyond the world of science and religion. Based on a spiritual worldview and yogic practices, the Tantric lifestyle helps us to invoke the sacred in everyday life.

3. Tantric love is a form of Bhakti Yoga.

Tantra, which often is termed Tantra Yoga, cannot be divorced from the inner essence of its own spiritual heart, from the experience of Bhakti, from the expression of spiritual love.

American poet Robert Bly aptly describes Bhakti Yoga as the path where “the bee of the heart stays deep inside the flower, and cares for no other thing.”

One early morning a couple of years ago, while waiting for Robert Bly to get ready so I could drive him to the airport after a poetry reading and a workshop I had organized for him, he asked me: “Do you know what this country needs?” And without letting me get much time to suggest an answer, he simply said: “Praise!”

Then, wide awake at around 5 AM, he started reciting from memory various sacred poems satiated with the fierce sweetness of Bhakti; including these lines by Kabir, from Bly’s popular book Kabir: Ecstatic poems.

“When the Guest is being searched for,

it is the intensity of the longing for the Guest that

does all the work.

Look at me, and you will see a slave of that intensity.”

This focus on passionate love is integral to Tantra as it turns desire and attachment, the very antithesis of spiritual liberation, into an alchemical fuel for love and the emancipation of Spirit by worshiping all as God.

Thus the bee of the heart goes so deep into what it loves that it transforms into love itself. To become that love is the goal of the love-intoxicated path of Tantra.

Tantric love is about creating spiritual oneness and union. Tantra is about feeling connected to and awed by the spiritual essence of the universe. And what is this essence? It has many names: God, Spirit, Godhood, Tao, Allah, or simply The One.

Kevala Bhakti is considered the deepest form of bhakti yoga in Tantra. The devotee simply loves the Divine without asking anything in return. Kevala means only, so the devotee loves for the sake of love, only love.

“Kevala Bhakti is not attained by baths, exercises, or efforts.”

–Shrii Anandamurti, from Subhasita Samgraha

That is, Kevala Bhakti is revealed in the heart when the alchemy of longing has been exhausted and turns into pure love, pure being.

4. Tantra is cosmic union. Tantra is worldly union.

In Tantra, the essence of the universe is called Brahma, or Cosmic Consciousness. And, as mentioned above, this Brahma is composed of Shiva and Shakti, the dual expressions of Brahma. How? Just like light and heat are inseparably one with fire, yet also its dual expressions.

Shiva is Brahma as pure Cosmic Consciousness, and Shakti is Brahma as Cosmic Creative Energy, the force behind creation, the force that created you and me.

Shiva and Shakti, like a wave and a particle in quantum physics, are never separate. They are always together, always the same. They are simply two different expressions of the same universal Brahman.

Remembering these primal aspects of the world, we open up to see and experience oneness in duality everywhere. We open up to feelings of spiritual connectedness and love.

The primal, evolutionary force of Shakti—which is both real and symbolic—is that which inspires us toward illumination and wisdom. Yet the same force has the capacity to blind us, to drive us away from truth and self-realization.

Hence, Tantra is worldly union when we truly experience the world as spirit, as sacred.

“The real knowledge issues from the mystic unification of Shiva and Shakti. It is the cause of liberation.”

–Tantraloka

5. Tantra is not about indulgence, not about more sex, or more money, or more vitality.

That’s the trap Tantra can lead you into. Lead you into thinking that, if all is sacred, then more of everything is better. More sex. More money. Actually, Tantra warns you that everything in this world can be a trap. Can lead to pain.

That’s because the duality of wisdom and ignorance, Vidya and Avidya Shakti, exists at the very root of creation and life itself. Thus, no matter at which stage we are on the spiritual path, there is always the possibility of being a total jerk, a total failure.

So, Tantra is about being aware, being connected to God/Goddess when you are making love and money. But that takes practice. That takes discipline. So Tantra is not about indulgence but all about deep practice, deep meditation, and deep love.

Hence, there is always a need for spiritual vigilance, always a need to personify a deep, spiritual ethic, and always a need to transcend our own limitations and ignorance. Duality and nonduality walks down the road of life, hand in hand.

“Those who let the body decay, destroy the spirit;

And they won’t attain the powerful knowledge of truth.

Having learned the skill of fostering the body,

I fostered the body, and I nurtured the soul.

The Perfect One has entered the temple of the body.”

~ Tirumular (7th century Tantric sage)

6. Tantra is the path of sacred love and (sometimes) the path of sacred sex.

The path of Tantra is about experiencing spiritual bliss, to soak the human heart with divine Spirit. Thus, it is often said in the yogic scriptures that Bhakti Yoga, the path of ecstatic love, is the best and safest path.

This Yoga of Love is beautifully exemplified in the life and poetry of Rumi, who said, “The taste of milk and honey is not it. Love instead that which gave deliciousness.”

That’s Madhuvidya. That’s honey knowledge.

In other words, love that which is within and beyond all physical forms and expressions. Love that which is within and beyond food, sex, fame, and money. Especially when eating, having sex, attaining fame and earning money!

“Just as the waters enter the ocean, full and of unmoving ground, so all desires enter him who attains peace, but not the desirer of desires.”

~ Bhagavad Gita

7. Tantra is seeing love in everything.

Tantra is the path of via positiva. Tantra is an affirmative path. The path of embracing life’s challenges. No need to kill the Buddha on the path of Tantra. Just embrace him. Just love him.

As the Tantrics will say, when you cultivate love for that which gives you all that is delicious in life, namely Brahman, you will eventually experience love in everything. That is the spirit of Tantra. That is the alchemy of Tantric love.

This, then, is the path of Tantric Love—the path that leads us to experience the unity of Shiva and Shakti in our own hearts and minds, and, hence, to the realization that the Divine can be experienced everywhere.

“When salt dissolves, it becomes one with the ocean. When my ego dissolved, I became one with Shiva and Shakti.”

~ Jnaneshvar (Tantric sage)

Tantra is the yoga of transformation and of transmutation. Through the spiritual practices of posture yoga, mantra meditation, pranayama, chanting, etc., a Tantrika churns longing into love and melts separation into togetherness. This form of alchemical spirituality, where even our failures can become “honey knowledge,” is insightfully and lyrically articulated in this poem by the Spanish poet Antonio Machado (1875-1939), and translated by Robert Bly.

LAST NIGHT, AS I WAS SLEEPING

Last night, as I was sleeping,
I dreamt — marvelous error!—
that a spring was breaking
out in my heart.
I said: Along which secret aqueduct,
Oh water, are you coming to me,
water of a new life
that I have never drunk?

Last night, as I was sleeping,
I dreamt — marvelous error!—
that I had a beehive
here inside my heart.
And the golden bees
were making white combs
and sweet honey
from my old failures.

Last night, as I was sleeping,
I dreamt — marvelous error!—
that a fiery sun was giving
light inside my heart.
It was fiery because I felt
warmth as from a hearth,
and sun because it gave light
and brought tears to my eyes.

Last night, as I slept,
I dreamt — marvelous error!—
that it was God I had
here inside my heart.
Ramesh Bjonnes was born in Norway and lived for nearly three years in India and Nepal learning directly from the masters of tantric yoga. Before he became a yogi, he studied agronomy and co-founded an organic farm with other yogis in Finland. Bjonnes is currently co-founder and Marketing Director of the Prama Institute (http://www.pramainstitute.org ), a holistic retreat center outside Asheville, NC. He has written extensively on tantra, yoga, culture and sustainability, and his articles have appeared in books and numerous magazines and newspapers in Europe and the US. He is currently contributing editor of New Renaissance and a columnist for Fredrikstad Blad, a Norwegian newspaper. He is co-founder of the Prama Institute and lives in an eco-village in the Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina.

“Become loving. When you are in the embrace, become the embrace. Become the kiss. Forget yourself so totally that you can say, “I am no more. Only love exists.” Then the heart is not beating, but love is beating. Then the blood is not circulating, but love is circulating. Then eyes are not seeing, love is seeing. Then hands are not moving to touch, love is moving to touch.

Become love and enter everlasting life.Love suddenly changes your dimension.You are thrown out of time and you are facing eternity.Love can become a deep meditation, the deepest possible.Lovers have known sometimes what saints have not known.”
~Osho